Top Ten: Tokyo annoyances

List ni-ban! C'mon, of course I was going to make a list of things that are annoying ... don't you know me by now?

10. Crows are big, scary, and loud
You have never seen crows like the crows in Japan. They are huge, they are frightening, they poop everywhere, they swarm you if you have food, they pick at the garbage, AND to top it all off, they're extremely intelligent. Crows wake me up almost every day, but especially on non-burnable garbage day, when the very best of the food leftovers are ripe for the picking. Japanese crows are the things of nightmares, pure and simple. It's Hitchcock's The Birds come to life... Eeesh.


9. Porn on the train! No prob!
If you're the kind of person who can't wait till he gets home to get his daily fix of manga babes, sans clothing, then Tokyo is the city for you! Guys regularly bust out the hentai while headed to work and nobody blinks an eye. I usually enjoy glancing at what people are reading on the trains, but in Tokyo, that's impossible since bookstores provide free bookcovers to everyone making a purchase. Isn't it funny that it's the chikan that aren't afraid to hide what they are reading? A whole host of perversions (mostly bakunyuu or extremely busty babes) on display for grandmas and children to see! Hooray!

8. Kawaii desu ne!
Everything in Japan needs to be kawaii, the Japanese word for cute. That's why you'll often see that women in customer-service positions will put on a cute, high-pitched voice when welcoming you into a store or offering ads or free samples and the like. It gets grating after awhile, especially when you see grown women with dozens of stuffed animals or charms attached to their bag or keitai denwa. There are Pikachu on some airplanes, stamps with cartoon characters, and lots and lots of pink clothing with ruffles. It was intriguing at first, but I'm so over it now.


7. The perfect bag of garbage
"Garbage is the most important issue facing your neighbors," read the flyer that I was given when I moved into my apartment. "Lucky them!" I thought, thinking of the numerous issues back at home (break-ins, car theft, noise disturbances, domestic disputes, ad nauseum). The seriousness about garbage is crazy, as people take time to wash out every single can and sort things according to Burnable, Unburnable, and Recyclables and force everyone to put their garbage and clear plastic bags so that the trash collectors (and your neighbors) can see exactly what you're throwing out.

6. Let's individually wrap everything!
For a nation with claims of environmental consciousness, (see: Miyazaki films, Kyoto Protocol, Greenery Day) it sure is hard to find non-aerosol deodorant around here. And for all the anal retentiveness about separating garbage, there sure is a lot of excess waste to go around. You see that box of Kit Kats below? You need to open that box and then each of the four sticks of Kit Kat are individually wrapped. Same goes for pretty much any snack you'll buy, like crackers, cookies, etc. Even the fruit comes individually wrapped. You'll be hard pressed to find an apple without a styrofoam covering to prevent it from bruising. Lots of excess waste for very little reason.

5. The deliciousness is only temporary
While I posted earlier about the marvels of the konbini in Tokyo, I failed to mention that many of the items at the konbini are only seasonal, so you might find something wonderful one week only to find that it's gone the next. Case in point, Lawson's Station made an excellent fruit pudding, but it was discontinued after only a week and a half. In February, I found an tasty strawberry and cream bun, but never found it again. You'll see this with the Kit Kats too, especially. In Japan, the Kit Kats come in many flavors, shapes, and sizes and are popular gifts for students with exams, thanks to the Japanese phrase kitto katsu (I hope you will win). But the flavors are only available at certain times of year, so we have already bid farewell to the sakura- and wine-flavored Kit Kats in favor of melon and fruit parfait ones. Ahh, like the sakura, the ephemeral nature of tastiness is quite apparent in Tokyo, as the deliciousness comes and goes.

4. Obsessive much? (Annoyance hodgepodge)
Last weekend, I saw an entire television show dedicated to how to stop crows from picking at your garbage. Contestants had to invent ways to keep the crows from coming near the garbage, and methods ranged from sprinkling hot pepper over everything, to a lifelike crow made from garbage bags complete with flapping wings, to a kawaii display of flashing lights and colors. Then they graded each method on various criteria, including an actual test with crows in a cage alongside some trash and the invention and a public democratic vote. Another TV show features water taste tests and details every single aspect of how much water you should have during the day. In Shibuya, there's an entire store dedicated to ranking items for sale called ranKing ranQueen. Now, I like a good top ten list as much as the next lady, but an entire store? Additionally, women obsess over their appearance and there's this secret battle to have the coolest keitai charms. And let's not forget the germophobia despite the prevalence of far greater health risks. See also:

3. Been spending most their lives living in the smoker's paradise
People love smoking here, despite the admonition to not smoke while waking. Ciggies are yasui (cheap), usually about 270 yen ($2.30) a pack and available from one of the numerous vending machines in the area. It's a wonder why there hasn't been more news about lung cancer, asthma, and other smoking-related illnesses. While there are the kinen patrols in Shinjuku and Shibuya to keep people smoking around the specially designed "smokers' oases" (natch!), it's mostly aimed at cigarette related accidents like burns, etc. (See my earlier post here.) Almost all restaurants allow smoking and very few have non-smoking sections, and even so, it's not uncommon to see people smoking in the non-smoking section and blowing smoke into their kids' faces. The Shinkansen ride that I took last weekend would have been excellent, were it not for all the smoke. In Japan, smoking is the habit that all generations have in common.


2. Kawaii girls won't give up their seats to the elderly
Konnichiwa, my kawaii friend! I see you there on the Yamanote line decked out in your layered tops, short little skirt, and high heeled boots. Both your makeup and your accessories are impeccable! And lucky you, you managed to snag a seat on the busy JR train. What's that? You're tired? I bet, after a day of hard shopping in those uncomfortable shoes. Better take a snooze. Or at least pretend to. Oh no, look, here's a little old lady with a shopping bag and extreme osteoporosis! You caught a look at her when you opened your eye just a teeny little bit to see if anything was going on. Better keep pretending to sleep or else you might be guilt tripped into giving up your seat... For a country with an aging population, the young people are not very deferential to their elders on the trains (I've seen 15-year-olds keep their seats when a blind woman was standing right in front of them). Maybe that's why a national holiday is needed to show Respect for the Aged (September 15).

1. Refusal to yield: You are the target
On the busy streets of Tokyo, it's easy to bump into people. But what is extremely annoying is the refusal of Tokyoites to move when they: a) see you; b) are moving directly towards you, and c) are about to collide if one of you doesn't move. It's like this gigantic game of chicken, and they're daring you to not move away. For all the rushing on the streets, once Tokyoites get to the train stations, it's quite okay to take a leisurely ride on every single escalator, however. But when walking at rush hour, more likely than not, you need to be the one to dodge or else you're going to bump shoulders or worse. It may sound harmless enough, but it's a tiring game that requires you to be on full alert. Abunai! Additionally, pedestrians have the right of way when it comes to motor vehicles, but NOT BICYCLES. Bikers ride on the sidewalks here and are the bulliers of the pedestrian world. You will be subject to that annoying little bell when a bike comes up behind you. When you hear it: DON'T MOVE, otherwise you're likely to invite the great pleasure of a front wheel up your ... behind.

[Photo credits: Scary crow from this blog, kawaii manga from this blog, ranKing ranQueen photo from Greggman, Kit Kats from Japan Newbie, kawaii girl from hunkabutta.com.]